All That Jazz (Butler Cove #1) Page 15

  Love, Dad.

  A few months into senior year? I squinted at the smeared postmark, pulling out my phone to use the flashlight. There was a text from Joey and I ignored it. December. My heart sank. The disappointment felt like lead in the pit of my stomach and the soles of my feet. I thought I should just sit down. I wasn’t feeling that jovial.

  I pulled out my phone when it buzzed again.

  KA: Everything okay? I can’t imagine you’re primping. Wait, are you?

  Jay Bird: Courtney’s here. You’re coming right?

  I rolled my eyes.

  Jazzy Bear: Grow some balls Joseph. Cut her loose. And stop pretending you need a reason to see me. I’m all that, remember?

  My raw emotions at getting the postcard obviously needed an outlet.

  There.

  I got that off my chest.

  Jay Bird: You got me.

  My heart beat wildly in my chest as I stared at his text. The joy, the emotional roller coaster of how I felt with all my interactions with Joseph, was like a beacon in the fog that had descended with my father’s postcard.

  “Hey, Jazz!”

  I looked back toward the restaurant. “Woody?”

  “Yeah, Harry stole the postcard, but there’s some mail for ya. With you celebratin’ your birthday an’ all, figured you’d want it.”

  I walked back toward Woody’s, following him behind the bar and through a side door into a hallway that smelled of old fish and spilled milk. I wrinkled my nose and sewed my lips tight so my cheeks were like twin pouches of air. He leaned down and grabbed a small plastic crate that held a bunch of envelopes and junk mail. I nodded, eyes wide and took it, managing to give Woody a thumbs up of thanks before backing out. I carried the crate back to my apartment, opened the sliding door, and deposited it just inside my bedroom.

  My phone buzzed again.

  KA: Come on! What’s taking so long? Joey’s pacing like a caged lion (do NOT tell him I said that). Chase is here too. Chatting with Lizzie right now. You’re missing important coming of age memories *smiley face*

  I huffed out a laugh. “Mom?” I called through my open door. I hated that we left our last interaction in such a state. It was a small apartment so she’d hear me. “You here still?” Clearly she’d gone.

  Checking my makeup one last time, I knew I needed to get going. As I stepped over the crate to get back through my sliding door, another text came in.

  Jay Bird: Okay. This is ridiculous. Coming to get you.

  But as I read Joey’s words, something caught my eye amongst the mail. A legal letter. A law firm in New York. Addressed to the mother or guardian of, Jessica Fraser.

  I stilled.

  REACHING DOWN, I fingered the textured linen envelope. The contents clearly concerned me, but it wasn’t addressed to me. My conscience capitulated in less than thirty seconds, and I slid my finger under the flap of the envelope and slid a letter out.

  I started to read, and the blood drained from my head. My ears buzzed and my skin prickled. Words seemed to bleed over each other but certain ones like missing, and last known communication, and last will and testament leapt out at me. My heart labored to keep pumping and the contents of my stomach lurched violently. Panicking, I realized I didn’t understand what I was reading. I sat on the end of my bed, miscalculating, and slid down to the floor.

  My hands were shaking as I tried to reread and understand. My father, David Fraser, hadn’t been heard from in a long time. It had come to the attention of the law firm who held all his documentation. They had been instructed that in an event such as this they were to notify my mother and commence an investigation into whether he was still alive before passing his estate on to his only daughter, Jessica.

  I became aware of my rapid breathing. The sound was loud and panicked. I was hyperventilating. Closing my mouth, I attempted to calm myself and folded the letter back up. I needed to call these people. But tomorrow was Saturday, which meant I would have to wait through the entire weekend including Monday, since it was a holiday.

  Shit.

  I dropped my head back on the bed.

  The idea of meeting everyone down at the beach held little appeal. All I wanted to do was go out to my dad’s boat, crawl into the berth, play some Ella Fitzgerald, and read every single one of the letters and postcards he’d ever sent me. I picked up the Cape Town postcard again and ran my shaking fingers over the ink, caressing the edges where he might have held it. Flipping it over, I stared at the picture. Table Mountain. I wondered if the law firm even knew where to look. If they knew where he’d been last. It had taken months and months to get to me, with nothing in the interim. South Africa was most likely the last place he’d been.

  How crazy was it that I’d received the postcard today, and he’d written about this day, my graduation and turning eighteen. Celebrate, he wrote.

  I’d thought he was going to be here. Now I might never see him again. I almost couldn’t process it.

  Fuck it. I wouldn’t know anything more for days. I needed to focus on good stuff. Silly stuff. Fun stuff. Kissing stuff. Joey had mentioned kissing me kept his mind off things. I already knew it did the same for me.

  I stood up, swiped a little more Cotton Candy Clouds lip gloss on, and slipped out my sliding door, closing it behind me. My face hit something solid. Joseph’s chest.

  “Oof!”

  So much for more lip gloss. I reared back. “Sorry.” I looked up to see a smiling Joey. “Jay—”

  “Hi. What took you so long?” His eyebrows immediately snapped together. “Are you okay?”

  “I just got caught up with … family stuff.” I forced a smile, wondering how to distract him. “I just smeared cotton candy lip gloss on your shirt.”

  He looked down at his white t-shirt and the pale pink smear. He lifted it up and inhaled.

  “What are you doing?” I laughed.

  “That’s good shit,” he said. “Does it taste as good?” Leaning in before I could react, his lips covered mine. It was brief, too brief. “Mmmm,” he murmured, standing back up, leaving my mouth tingling and heat sluicing through my body. He grabbed my hand and walked us down the path. “Yep. As if it weren’t hard enough to keep my mouth off you.”

  My heart wouldn’t be able to take much more tonight. “That’s twice tonight you’ve admitted you are kinda addicted to me,” I said, going for a breezy tone.

  He shrugged. “There’s no kinda about it.”

  I stopped dead still, yanking on his hand. Lust or whatever this weird fizzy feeling was swirled through me and left me hot and achy between my legs. Annoyingly, it also did a dance in my chest.

  He turned around. His blue eyes were sincere. He rubbed his free hand across his chin.

  “So, are we really like kissing buddies now?” I asked. Because he’d been loud and clear about not wanting a girlfriend.

  “I guess.”

  “Exclusive kissing buddies?”

  He arched an eyebrow.

  “I just want to know where your mouth has been. Obviously, it would be preferable if I wasn’t getting Courtney cooties.”

  He puffed out an amused breath. “No Courtney cooties.”

  “Any other cooties?”

  “No. Am I catching Chase cooties?” He shook his head. “I can’t believe I just used the word cooties.”

  I laughed.

  “Well?” he asked.

  “You may have caught a few in the beginning. But I think they’re out of my system now.”

  He stepped in close, and I looked up into his face. His skin was smooth and freshly shaved, even since this afternoon.

  I traced a finger across his jaw, getting close to his beautiful lips.

  “Put some more of that lip gloss on. I want to kiss it off,” he said.

  “You’re so bossy.” But obviously I immediately fumbled the tube out of my pocket and swiped a thin layer over my bottom lip, then mashed my lips together. “There.”

  He leaned down, putting his face clos
e to mine, inhaling against my mouth. Then he licked his tongue across the seam of my lips.

  Oh, good God. A tiny whimpering sound came out of my throat.

  “On second thought.” He raised his head. “I think I’ll make you wait.”

  “Are you joking?” I said, outraged.

  “Nope. Let’s go, Jazzy Bear.”

  The use of my dad’s name for me hit me like a low blow, snuffing out any further smart-assery I may have been able to conjure up. Joey walked ahead, my hand in his. I used the moment to concentrate on the feel and taste of Joey’s mouth on mine, consciously pushing thoughts of my father out of my mind. I’d hardly thought of him in the few minutes Joey and I had been talking. I liked that very, very much.

  THE BEACH WAS full of the usual cast of characters. Keri Ann told me she’d seen Chase and Lizzie pairing off. I hoped she knew what she was doing. Looking around I saw Jasper chatting with Cooper and Vern. I raised my solo cup when I caught his eye and he returned the gesture. I would have totally thought he and Lizzie would finally get together. Perhaps not.

  I tried to keep my mind off my dad, but it was really hard. Perhaps I should just try and call the law office in the morning. One never knew. Perhaps a paralegal or something was in over the weekend. They probably needed the information about South Africa.

  “Are you okay?” asked Keri Ann.

  I wanted to tell her but could sense a wobble imminent in my chest and knew if I started talking, I’d bawl. And who wanted a sobbing wreck of a chick at a party.

  “I’m great,” I said. “Let’s get a shot. What liquor did Joey buy?”

  “You’re drinking it. Firefly iced tea.”

  My eyes widened. “I thought it was just barely spiked ice tea. I heard this stuff is strong.” Now that she mentioned it, I was feeling a little buzzed already.

  “I know. Pace yourself,” she said. “Stuff’s addictive.”

  Joey and Colt were throwing a football with some guys from the Butler Cove football team. Or ex-football team. I sighed. It was weird thinking we were truly done with school. As if he’d felt me watching him, Joey turned and looked straight at me.

  “So, I know I’m only your best friend, and he’s only, like, my brother, but are you guys … hanging out? No idea what to call it.”

  “I don’t know what to call it either. But yes, we are … that. Whatever it’s called.”

  “Not dati—”

  “Nooooo,” I drew out the word in a deep and dramatic tone, bugging my eyes wide and shaking my head.

  “Got it.” Keri Ann laughed. “I won’t mention that word again.”

  “Kissing. Just lots of kissing.” I chewed my lip. “Kissing buddies.”

  She scrunched up her nose. “This is weird. Talking about this. I mean, it’s my brother.” She gave a mock shudder.

  I laughed. “I kinda feel that way too. But, not.”

  “I’d hope not. Oops, he’s coming over here.”

  I swallowed hard and steeled my nerves before turning around.

  Joseph was almost to where we stood. He actually might have been getting better looking with each passing moment. And it wasn’t like I didn’t think he was easy on the eyes before.

  “Hey,” I said and raised my glass between us, ensuring some distance. “You drinking some of this?”

  “Yeah, I had a bit.” He slung an arm around his sister’s shoulders and brought her in for a squeeze. “Come walk with me?” he asked, but he was looking at me.

  I shrugged.

  “You guys go on, I want to go catch up with Vern.” Keri Ann winked in my direction and then pinched her brother in the side before walking off.

  “Let’s refill.” Joey took my cup and got one of his own, then we walked down the beach and toward the surf.

  “No stars tonight,” I said, looking upward, remembering the last time we were on the beach at night. “So are you serious about specializing, maybe becoming a surgeon?” I asked remembering the conversation at dinner.

  Joe shrugged. “I’m kind of in awe of Dr. Barrett. He’s a kick ass surgeon. Watching him and hearing him talk about his patients and how many lives he’s saved, it’s just incredible.”

  I snorted.

  “Yeah, I know he’s arrogant,” Joey responded to my less than impressed reaction. “But it doesn’t make him any less good at what he does, you know?”

  “So you want to be ‘just like him’?” I asked, crooking my finger to make air quotes.

  “Ha, ha. Not just like him, no. But I bet it’s probably hard to keep a wife and kids happy with the hours he works. Who knows, maybe she has her own life too. If you know what I mean?”

  “That’s so incredibly sad, Joey.” Irritation surged through me. “Surely no woman marries someone knowing they’re going to be having affairs on each other for the rest of their marriage. What would be the point in getting married?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe she just wanted to marry a rich doctor. She had to have known he wouldn’t have time for a real relationship.”

  My blood pressure was zinging dangerously close to needing a cardiac specialist myself. “Are you listening to yourself? You’re sounding as douchey as he is. And he does have time, he just prefers to spend it screwing my mother.”

  Dammit. Me and my big mouth.

  Joey stopped and stared at me. “Shit,” he said.

  “I suspect,” I amended and downed another massive gulp of my drink.

  “You know, don’t you?”

  “Joey, you should continue to live in ignorance, thinking the sun shines out of his ass.”

  “Look. I’m not saying it’s okay that he and his wife live separate lives. Okay?”

  “It sounded that way.”

  “It’s not what I mean. Whatever, let’s drop this.”

  We continued walking, this time in silence, the sound of the waves washing up and back over the sand.

  “I want to be a doctor,” Joey said.

  “I know—”

  “Just listen to me for a moment.”

  I snapped my mouth closed.

  “I want to be a doctor. A damn good one. I want to save lives and do something important. Help people like Nana stay around a bit longer. But more than that I want to do something solid and stable, dependable. I owe it to Nana and Keri Ann to keep the house and make sure I can always provide.”

  I laid a hand on his arm, but I didn’t speak.

  “My father never did find his passion or what mattered to him,” he went on. “Always searching for a quick success. Unwilling to put in the time and work to really do something grand. He was away all the time, worked so many hours, was away from his wife and us, his kids. And for what? For nothing. Spinning wheels. If you asked what my dad did when he was alive, I couldn’t even really explain it to you. Sales? Who the hell knows? But he wasn’t changing the world. He didn’t have something that mattered.”

  Joey stopped and walked down to the water until the waves washed over his feet.

  I joined him.

  He shoved a hand into his pocket, downed his drink, and stared out into the dark horizon. “But my mom? I know who she was. She was a dancer. Or should have been. That was her thing, you know? The thing that mattered. But she gave it up for my father to fuck around figuring out what he wanted to do, and it killed her spirit. Weird, that I’d recognize that even though I was a kid. I couldn’t have put it into words back then, but I knew. It was hard to miss. She should have left him. But she was too good to him. He should have at least done the honorable thing and cut her loose. She could have lived her own life. Remarried someone who believed in her. Something.” He kicked a foot in the waves. “Fuck, she may even still be alive if she’d done that. So no,” Joey looked at me briefly. “I don’t want to be like Dr. Barrett and fuck around on my wife.”

  Because you won’t have a wife. I wanted to finish his thought because I heard the words clear as day, even if he didn’t say them. It was an echo of his I don’t want or need a girlfriend speech
.

  “But I do want to be a damn good doctor,” he finished. “That’s my thing that matters.”

  “Mrs. Barrett could be like your mother was,” I said and squeezed his arm. “Maybe she has a thing that matters, something she gave up. I bet she didn’t know what she was signing up for when she married him, but I bet she gave up her own dreams to be with him.”

  “Probably.” Joey let out a breath. “Fuck. Talk about bringing the tone down. Sorry.” He looked down into his empty cup, then into mine.

  The alcohol made my limbs feel languid and my head feel bold. I snaked a hand around Joseph’s taut waist. “Hey Jay Bird, I think some kissing could up the tone a bit, don’t you?” I pulled a lip between my teeth and gave him what I hoped was a saucy look.

  “Hell, yes,” he answered with a smirk.

  I SPENT THE day of my eighteenth birthday working my ass off. Literally, I think my ass actually shrank. I took an early shift for Resort Housekeeping. Then I was on lifeguard duty, and as I parked my shrinking ass in the deck chair, my mind wandered to my father. I hadn’t had a chance to call the law firm yet. Or maybe I was stalling.

  I was nervous about my first shift on beach patrol. What if I missed someone drowning? Luckily, only one little girl was stung by a jelly-fish, but after I sprayed her leg with what I called mermaid water, she was fine.

  Keri Ann, Joey, and Lizzie came down to the beach at around three. I’d been assigned up near one of the resort hotel markers, so I was surprised to see them.

  Keri Ann jogged up to me. “Happy birthday!” she yelled and grabbed me in a big hug as soon as I stood. Over her shoulder I saw Joey stick an umbrella post in the sand and hammer it down with a mallet, opting to get their spot set up instead of saying hello to me.